Got quite a few questions about my future... What I am going to do next year, next 5 years, once I'm done with cycling.
The answer is pretty simple With changes I'm seeing in these months, my goals have also changed. I want to race for at least one more year. Why? Well, in the past I was terrified thinking about the final stage coming. Because I knew, once I'm done, even that little identity as a cyclist I had, would be gone. And with that I'd be gone as well.
But today, with profound changes in my personality, understanding, why certain things happened the way they happened, I have no more fear. But I do have what I needed the most, confidence, belief, faith.
Let's be honest, I'm probably never going to win a WT race, but I can do equal job than everybody else can, in some cases, better job.
Off the bike though, nobody beats me. With eyes wide open, I see a lot of pain. I see riders with problems similar to mine, not to that extent, but enough to affect their performance, wellbeing, life.
And that's what I want to do. I wanna be a part of the team, rider for a year, but also a person, who riders can talk to, openly. Share their biggest concerns, worries, demons.
This will sound arrogant, self promoting, but I really have very positive effect on other people. As I said in the past, I used to spread negative energy everywhere, contagious energy, which affected whole teams and beyond. Not anymore, I'm able to see positive things in every bad situation, motivate myself and others. But most importantly, I'm able to listen, understand, emphatize.
I talked to a very important person on a WT team about this yesterday. Frankly, I thought he'd be the last person who would understand and agree with what I was attempting to explain. He agreed fully.
I suppose it's the way I was explaining. When you're aware who are you talking to or what they're trying to tell you, there will be always better outcomes. And that's the road to success.
I'm very well aware, it will be hard to get a team for next year, given my past and state of the economy right now. But I know it's not impossible. Working with athletes on a psychological level has been pretty common lately. But I see it in a different light. Psychologists only work on consciousness, but don't pay attention to unconscious mind. And that's what's broken in a professional athlete.
They don't need better training, more money, better bikes or equipment. What they need, is to understand what's going on when things get tough...when unconscious mind takes over.
In the future, that's what I want to do, I want to help them, to understand, and un-fuck themselves. I want to bring them peace and happiness.